My brother's dog passes out on his back in strange rooms and humps everything in sight. Disturbing. It's like having Charlie Sheen stay at the house. Watching the Exorcist II, I forgot this takes place partly in New York. It was a really good idea to take a slightly capricious girl with a history of demonic possession and move her to a high rise apartment in a bustling city with an untrustworthy balcony railing. Good planning. On a brighter note, I finally got my hair done today. I no longer resemble that chick from The Grudge. I also no longer look like "Raggedy Ann", as my mom so lovingly put it.If it were up to her, I would be platinum blonde; she's always tried to push the "pizazz" look on me. I love my mom more than anything in the world, but it's amazing I didn't spend my childhood twirling my way through Ramada Inn beauty pageants.

This woman keeps rescheduling her interview for the dumbest reasons. "I'll call you soon, I have to bathe, sweaty from morning run." Maybe I'll just write a heroic piece on myself instead, I just need to do something noble first. Does holding a toaster over her bathtub and not dropping it count as saving her life?

Easter-a video of us

Easter was fun. The wife of one of my brother's friends showed up at dinner wearing a bright pink, sparkly, tight tube top. My sister in law, always the polite hostess, looked annoyed when I leaned over and whispered in her ear, "Somewhere...Kristi Yamaguchi is skating topless." She said something 100x funnier afterward but I still do not have her permission to post it publicly. Love her.
Also, watch this and you can see Melissa and I at the end. What...a prize.



We also had time for some hoops. Since my physical issues prevent me from playing real basketball, we tear it up in the foyer.

I have on a bracelet yesterday that I bought at Whole Foods which is supposed to signify good luck. Yesterday I: ran into an ex boyfriend, tried to save a dog in the road who thanked me by attempting to bite my face, been harassed by a CVS employee and thrown out my back trying to hold Emma back from murdering a pigeon. It's almost as if cheap, mass produced karma bracelets from nationwide supermarket chains don't actually work. My entire belief system is shattered.

When I called one of my girlfriends (whose characteristic advice is to distribute tough love to everyone who didn't ask for it) she told me, "I would normally never say this to you because you're not like this, but you're being kind of whiny." I rolled my eyes, hung up and ignored her texts for the remainder of the morning (therefore proving her point).

I'm going shopping.

And on a side note, Rick Santorum should probably be more diligent about double checking the ads that run next to his articles.

A year in pictures

Found a picture from a night when I let my mom do my makeup before I went out. Based on the amount of blush she tries to make me wear, I feel certain that I somehow escaped a childhood of traveling from one Ramada Inn to another posing and twirling my way through Toddler and Tiara type beauty pageants. I look like a slutty Raggedy Ann doll in a halter top.

2011 was a great year. Let's take a look back...

Jill and I spent Christmas Eve together. We also decided to get married on the same night. Here is a picture from the wedding.

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The boy and I attended a wedding (awesomely fun) where we isolated ourselves as the black sheep of the night just by being our really mature selves.

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Cindy almost learned how to pose for a picture

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I explained to my niece why it's important to date a guy who holds doors open for you because it makes you feel like a princess. Later in life when she's prepared and in her 20's, we'll have the "dirty princess" conversation. "Oh but he's just a stable boy! I couldn't possibly want him...or could I...."

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I became a certified pediatrician

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Mom was a passenger on a plummeting porch swing. I also have no idea what's up with the draping tribal dress she's wearing. There must have been some Native American initiation ceremony in the mountains later that night that we weren't aware of.

That's as good a place to stop as any. There's more, don't act too excited, they'll be here soon.